


The Attack of the 50 Foot Lagomorph

by Chilly_Chadass



Category: Sam & Max, Sam & Max (Comics)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27686846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chilly_Chadass/pseuds/Chilly_Chadass
Summary: After the freelance police find themselves on another dull mission, they both wish for something, anything interesting to happen. Little do they know they are about to get a big surprise.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	The Attack of the 50 Foot Lagomorph

“I’ve gotta tell ya Sam, we’ve had some boring shootouts before, but this has to be by far the dullest case we’ve ever had! I haven’t even had the chance to pop any bystanders personal bubbles, not one I tell ya!”  
Sam switched on the car’s headlights as the dusk settled in. “Don’t worry little fella’. Just a couple more miles and you can knock this “Fisheye” fella’s lights out.”  
“Fisheye? You mean when this stuff gets to the news it’s goanna say that I tore down a guy named fisheye? Man, crooks can’t even come up with good names now adays.”  
“Commissioner says he’s got some interesting looks if that makes things better.”  
Max simply gave a huff and slumped deeper into his seat. “Poor guy” Sam thought. He’d been nothing but dragged from building to building, listening to boring small talk after agonizing conversation all day, only to be shoved into a car for four hours and brought to some boring abandoned theme park. Wasn’t even haunted, just abandoned. Hopefully all that pent-up energy will cause an interesting scene when they finally find the guy. At least then they could say this trip was worthwhile. Though Sam’s pity stopped once he heard the rabbits foot thump repeatedly against the dashboard.  
“Max, I know ya bored outta your skull, but you have to stop the tapping. You know how quick that stuff gives me a headac-YOUCH”  
The car ran over a pothole, hoisting both animals off their seats for a split second. And causing Sam’s head to collide with the Desoto’s roof with a swift THONK.  
“A few more bumps like that and you won’t need any of my help for that migraine of yours.” Max teased.  
The dog rolled his eyes, “Oh haha.” He took one hand off the steering wheel to comfort his injury. “You better be lucky you’re some three-foot sized lagomorph or you would’ve had the same fate.” The dog smirked as he heard a chuckle come from the passenger’s seat.  
______  
“What an absolute dump!” Max yelled as the two made their way through the park’s entrance.  
The place was a small collection of your run of the mill amusement rides, each more rundown then the last. The air around the area somehow felt thicker, with the entire park covered in a thin blanket of mold. Every rickety wooden roller coaster had already caved in and was nesting a lovely home of termites. The only attraction somewhat still in tacked was the remains of a fifty-foot mirror maze, which, in its prime, ironically had all its mirrors removed.  
“Apparently this was a pretty nifty place in the seventies. Not entirely sure why it closed. roomers say it was something to do with the petting zoo, people say the animals where really violent.”  
Sam pointed to the middle of all this chaos posing itself as an amusement park revealing an animal pen.  
“Promise me you won’t ever say nifty again.” Max said as he made his way past the dog and hopped onto the rickety gate of the pen. He leaned over the top, expecting to see what remained of these crusty animals, only to be greeted with dung covered hay. Sam shortly followed, resting his arms on the gate, and thankfully not following Max’s fate.  
The rabbit wrinkled his nose, “So when is our guy going to show his ugly snout?”  
“From what the commissioner said he’ll be here around eleven.”  
“WHAT!?” Max yelled as he shot up from admiring the contents of the animal pen, “The sun has barely set! The stars aren’t even out! We’ll be here for eternity!”  
“Don’t worry little buddy, I drove us here early so we could get a good look around the park. Place isn’t too big but there sure are a lot of nooks and crannies, it’ll be good to be familiar with the place before the fight. Not often we get a head start, so I thought we’d take the advantage.”  
“Yeah well what if the guy doesn’t even show up?”  
“Trust me he will, dam fella left his giant slimy trail right to this spot.”  
Max sighed, “Well alright then…”  
He looked down to his hands gripping the grate, turning over one of his palms to observe the orange specks of rust clinging to his fur before noticing the hard shadow that hovered over him. He looked to Sam, even with the big guy slouched over the gate and Max using it as a booster, the dog still towered over him.  
He jokingly pouted, “What virgin did you sacrifice to get so dam tall?”  
Sam furrowed his brow, tilting his head towards the rabbit. Max playfully wrinkled his nose. The dog gave a soft chuckle.  
“Well…”  
He put a finger on his chin, pondering whether or not to spill this long-life secret to the bunny.  
“Luckily I didn’t have to kill anybody but…what the hell, you wanna know the magic to it?”  
Max playing along bounced on the gate in anticipation, eyes already the size of dinner plates. The dog signaled the bunny to lean in closer. The rabbit did so. Sam whispered into the animals ear.  
“It’s all in the hat.”  
The previous eerie silence surrounding the park was interrupted by Max’s roaring cackle.  
“I don’t think you could give a more ridiculous answer!”  
Sam raised a brow, “Don’t believe me?” He took off his hat before jokingly sinking to his knees. Funny enough still taller than the rabbit if he were on the ground.  
Max threw his head back in another fit of laughter  
“See? Told ya. All in the hat.”  
The rabbit quieted his giggles before pondering for a moment. He grinned, trying to look as menacing as he could, even hunching his shoulders to add to the look. “Well you wouldn’t mind handing such a wonderful object over to little old me to give it a try would you?”  
“Oh no! Max think of the children! The horror! The horror!” Sam replied.  
The rabbit lunched towards the dog, using the gate as leverage. Sam quickly hopped back to his feet, hoisting the hat over his head. Sadly, Max had missed, having harsh landing behind Sam. Fortunately, being a rabbit, his second jump was high enough to tackle the dog and retrieve his prize. The hound quickly dusted himself off, finding the rabbit positioning the hat onto his abnormally shaped head with an ear to ear grin.  
“How tall am I now?” Max joked.  
Sam shielded his eyes to get a better look at the little giant, “Statue of Liberty, maybe taller.”  
The rabbit chuckled before taking a quick glance around the park. “Well if we’re using this time to get used to this place, I’m finding some corndogs long past their expiration date to uke up later.” He gave a small wave as he turned around and headed for a small row of food stands near the edge of the park. Each tents previously vibrant color faded, with the fabric torn to shreds.  
“Save some for me!” Sam shouted.  
An, “I’m not making any promises!” echoed back as the rabbits silhouette soon disappeared between two of the tents.  
Sam sighed as he leaned his back against the animal pen. That little guy, at least he wasn’t too mad at him for dragging him around all day. In fact, he’d been pretty well behaved if he had to say so. Sure, he dragged his heels and nibbled at the dog’s fingertips when he wasn’t looking, but at least he hadn’t “accidentally” broken anything so far. Better yet the little guy didn’t once fake an injury to get out of all the boring small talk. The dog chuckled at the thought:  
“Oh Sam! The marrow in my bones is melting!”  
“Sam! I haven’t slept in thirty-six hours! If we don’t go home right this second I think I might start to get homicidal!”  
“Sam! Gravity is increasing on me again!”  
Maybe they should go out for ice cream after this, as a little treat. Sam shook his head. No, that’s what they always do after some big case. Maybe he could somehow make the occasion more special. They could rob an ice cream truck? Nah they did that last week. Or perhaps they could ask the Geek to invent some sort of instant ice cream gun and see who could down the most mint chocolate chip before one of them barfed. The geek probably wouldn’t enjoy being woken up at such a late hour, he’d save that idea for another time.  
Wait, no, he had the perfect idea. Stinky’s added that triple dog dare ice cream Sunday surprise to their menu. Max had been begging for a bowl of that stuff for a month straight now. After this boring case would be the perfect time to surprise him with something like that.  
Sam opened his mouth but before a sound could come out he was interrupted by a panicked yelp.  
“Max?...” He huffed under his breath.  
There was another short shout interrupted with a dull punch.  
“Max is that you?” Sam yelled, his hand hovering over his gun.  
“SAM! SA-let me go-SA-HUMFFF”  
All the dog heard afterwards where the rabbits muffled cries for the dog.  
“MAX!”  
The dog drew his gun, sprinting towards the stands. With the night finally present it was impossible to make anything out between the food stands, but Sam still searched for his little buddy. He felt his heart jerk against his chest once he found his hat strayed on the ground. He heard another yelp from his partner, looking to see the silhouette of the rabbit held captured by a lanky man hidden between the tents. Sam pointed his gun at the suspect, the blue light of the night beginning to soak through the tents tarp and revealing Max’s tied and gagged mouth, continuing to give muffled calls to Sam. He tried his hardest to squirm free, but his capture had a tight grip on his little body and wasn’t planning on letting him go anytime soon.  
“Drop him Fisheye! I know it’s you!” Sam yelled.  
The man responded by yanking the rabbits tender ears, another muffled yip coming from Max.  
The dog began to growl, “I SAID DROP HIM!” he put his finger over the trigger.  
The man let out a short cackle as if he had already won. “You know…. I did want you, but I’ll settle with a naïve little rabbit.” His voice raspy as sandpaper.  
Sam, foam dripping from his chin fired a warning shot, “DROP. HIM.”  
“Alright, you’ve got me, I’ll let your little friend go.” The man looked down to the clawing bunny. He held down Max and in a split second pulled a syringe from his jacket. He jabbed the rabbit’s forearm, filling his bloodstream with a clear liquid.  
“HMMMMF”  
Max’s body gave a sharp jerk before Fisheye dropped him to the ground.  
The rabid dog shot three bullets into the distance, all three echoed back. Fisheye had already slipped into the darkness. He would’ve chased after the crook if Max wasn’t teetering on his hands and knees, struggling to support his own weight. Sam dropped to the ground, putting the rabbit into his arms. The bunny desperately clung to the dog, shaking. Sam comforted the injured figure, his mind rushing through endless possibilities of what that liquid could be doing to Max.  
He swallowed the lump rising in his throat, “M-Maxie?”  
There was a pause as the little bunny, trembling, struggled to form words.  
“S…Sam i-it hurts…”  
The dog squinted through the darkness trying to examine his friends injury, flinching once he made out the dark liquid beginning to drip down the bunny’s arm. He held his injured rabbit closer, “I know little buddy…” He looked to the crookedly parked Desoto. He stood up, his chest becoming heavy as Max’s trembles quickly turned to harsh convulsions.  
______  
Once in the car Sam tucked the fluffball into his coat, letting him rest on his lap. He began to hightail it through the roads. Max continued to mutter, trying to for words for Sam, but he couldn’t make it past a syllable before shaking himself silent.  
Sam kept the rabbit steady with one hand, “Shhh…it’s ok little buddy…you’re going to be ok.”  
If anything, he repeated that sentence over and over to comfort himself.  
The dog had managed to turn a four-hour drive into thirty minutes, though each mile still dragged on like an eternity. Max’s sharp twitches became more and more severe, until all at once, he stopped moving. Sam checked the rabbit in panic, making the car violently swerve into traffic. He gave a sigh of relief as his little buddy was still breathing short, shallow breaths…but for how long?...Sam pressed his foot harder on the gas petal.


End file.
